No Longer a Slave to Fear

If there is one adjective to describe me lately I think this is the one:

a·fraid

əˈfrād/

adjective

1. feeling fear or anxiety

I didn't fully realize that this is the emotion that has been mostly controlling my thoughts lately until today.  We were singing No Longer Slaves this morning in church and I got those "Holy Spirit goosebumps" that tend to happen every time the Lord is showing me something through a song, His word or a message.  I've put the particular lyrics that really spoke to me this morning below.  

I'm no longer a slave to fear

I am a child of God

From my mothers womb

You have chosen me

Love has called my name

I've been born again, into a family

Your blood flows through my veins

You split the sea

So I could walk right through it

My fears were drowned in perfect love

You rescued me
And I will stand and sing
I am the child of God

I've been reflecting on these lyrics all day.  Asking myself what is causing me to be anxious?  Why am I not fully trusting God who has chosen me...rescued me...adopted me into His family....AND lavished me with perfect love?  

1 John 3:1 See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God!  And that is what we are!  The reason the world does not know us is that is did not know him.

Matthew 10:29-31 Are not two sparrows sold for a penny?  Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father's care.  And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered.  So don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.    

I know these truths, but for some reason I have still subconsciously been doubting.  This time when I go back to Haiti I'll have a tiny baby in tow.  And of course I have those normal motherly fears of sickness without readily available medical care, general safety concerns, etc....but I think this fear is  more deeply rooted.  Even though I've been a mother for awhile, I've been a mother to two teenagers.  Teenagers are pretty self sufficient in their daily tasks....of course they need a lot of advice and guidance...but I don't need to have them in my sight 24/7 or get up in the middle of the night to feed them or frequently just check to make sure they're still breathing.  So since I know I will be focusing a lot of my energy and attention on Jordan I have been questioning how useful/helpful/effective I will be in Haiti.  Today I was reminded that I don't have to live in fear and that God values me no matter what.  I may not be my usual productive self who gets all the things on the to do list done and I may not be able to be as flexible with my time as I have been in the past, but He uses us in every season and circumstance if we are willing.  In being reminded of this truth the first verse that was brought to my mind was the one that I put on my prayer cards before I first moved to Haiti almost 5 years ago.

Ephesians 3:20-21  Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us to him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever!  Amen.

God doesn't need me to be able to complete His plans, but He will use me if I am willing.  And He can use me even in times when I don't feel that I am terribly useful.  I don't know what He has planned but I know He will do more than I can even imagine.  I don't have to be a slave to fear because I am a child of God.  And I'm so thankful.